Lesbos

The beautiful volcanic Greek island of Lesbos, located in the North Aegean Sea, is the home of approximately 100,000 people. Its rocky beaches provide scenic spots for submarine fishing; the island’s rich cultivation of olive trees successfully stimulates the economy through the selling of olive oil; and the stunningly beautiful capital of Mytilene houses the island’s official football team, the Aiolikos. This island would be a truly perfect paradise…if it weren’t for all the damn Lesbians.

The island is completely filled with Lesbians. Now before any drunken frat brothers begin celebrating, one must first understand that the term “Lesbian” is what the people of Lesbos refer to themselves as. So every Lesbo citizen is a Lesbian. As one can easily imagine, problems are bound to arise.

According to Yahoo News, three islanders are currently suing the ‘Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece’ due to the organization’s use of the word ‘lesbian’ in their title. One plaintiff claims that it "insults the identity" of the people of Lesbos. "My sister can't say she is a Lesbian," said Dimitris Lambrou. "Our geographical designation has been usurped by certain ladies who have no connection whatsoever with Lesbos." he said. The Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece has sadly not issued an apology yet to Dimitris’ sister.

If the Gay/Lesbian Community hasn’t embarrassed them enough, the island is also the prime tourist spot for Lesbian (gay) couples. Gay women first “steal” their name, AND THEN they help stimulate the economy with thousands of dollars spent on tourism. The nerve! So basically the island’s chief economic stimulants are both olive oil and gay women. Soon they’ll find some reason to be pissed at olive oil too. (It’ll probably have something to due to their genuine hatred of oil lamps.)

These will be outlawed soon enough. Give it time.

I believe that the people of Lesbos are simply just craving some attention from the rest of the world. Their island has been trapped in the closet for too long…they have pride in their heritage, and not only do they want everyone in world to know, but they also want to shove it in our faces. They have an agenda: they demand that others learn their Lesbian history, and it seems that one easy way to accomplish this is to protest a politically correct term used in an organization’s name.

On the other hand, there are many islanders who don’t possess this natural “pride.” Too many insecure people inhabit this island—people who don’t want others to learn of their true Lesbianism. They obviously feel ashamed. Even though poet Sappho (a Lesbian in more ways than one) helped put this island on the map back in 7th Century BC, they still don’t want others to know their “secret”…the “secret” being the island, of course. If these bashful people don’t take action soon, then the world (as close-minded as it is) will not hear the true voices of Lesbos!

In order to help these shameful Lesbo citizens, I propose that they view this video, which shows what they must do when someone is prejudice towards their heritage: