Favorite Music Videos of 2008

Here are some rad music videos for 2008. Enjoy.

Pony, Pony, "Cross the Fader"

Feist, "I Feel It All"

Omaha Bitch, "Orgasmic Troopers"

BPA featuring David Byrne and Dizzee Rascal, "Toe Jam"

The Buddy System, "Clap Paws"

What I Would Write if I Really Cared...

Dear Ichiban Restaurants:

Though the service in your restaurants is always hospitable, I unfortunately write to you with a minor issue that took place this past Friday during the lunch hour.

After seated and waiting for over fifteen minutes, our Japanese waiter finally appeared, ready to take our orders. As he went down the line taking each guest’s order, it was finally my turn. After deciding on Hibachi Shrimp (which by the way was delicious) and an order of water, I also asked for a coffee (I was in dire need of one). In response, he chuckled and informed me that Ichiban doesn’t serve coffee. His response would have been exceptional, were he not to laugh again and state in a clearly mocking tone, “you’re in a Japanese restaurant you know. We don’t serve coffee here.” So not only was I denied coffee, but was also reduced to feeling like an imbecile.

I was tempted to inquire why he was speaking English in a Japanese restaurant, or why California rolls (created in the United States in the 1960s) were served in a Japanese restaurant, or why I can still drink Coke, Sprite, or a number of non-Japanese alcoholic drinks in a “Japanese” restaurant. Instead I accepted his reply, but informed the rest of my table that contrary to popular belief, there are coffee shops on every other street in Tokyo, Kyoto, Osaka, Kobe, and even in Nara, Japan.

So as I don’t intend to influence any additions to your drinking menu, and I understand that Ichiban tries to provide a true Japanese experience by presenting a menu that western Pennsylvanians believe to be authentically Japanese, the incident was still odd and somewhat unfortunate.  

Anyways, I wish Ichiban restaurants the best of luck in the New Year, and hope to taste a Hibachi lunch again (with or without coffee) soon.

Sincerely,
Ricky Moslen

Thou Shall Not Be a Hypocrite!

So many Evangelicals, Catholics, and Presbyterians cite the Bible as the primary reason they dislike any concept of gay marriage. I used to love listening to their arguments, because they were so hilarious...now they're just really annoying. What's even worse is the fact that they're ignoring other important issues out there. For example, the Bible's stance on shrimp. Why are none of them commenting on the Bible's shrimp rejection!?! Don't they care about our country!?!!!

Well at least some people still care about morality:

http://www.godhatesshrimp.com/

Sigur Ros Videos

Music videos aren’t what they used to be 10 or 20 years ago. Say what you will about Sigur Ros, but they are probably one of the only bands making worthy visual representations of their music. The band members and various video directors effectively construct images and stories that allow the Icelandic musicians to create short films (rather than simply "music videos").

Sigur Ros Videography

Svefn-g-englar (1999)

Sigur Ros’s first video. They enlist the Perlin Theater Group to dance around in angel outfits in an open field—but when slowed down, the shots and actors create beautiful imagery.

Viðrar vel til Loftárás (2000)

Two soccer-playing boys fall in love, but, of course, society pulls them apart. Another striking video filled with a ton of symbolism. After viewing, every time you hear the song you’ll think of this video.

Untitled #1 (vaka) (2003)

A nuclear winter would suck. Sigur Ros agrees. This is an incredibly sad yet stunning video. Someone could easily base a whole film off of this one idea.

Glósóli (2005)

This is probably my favorite video from the band. In a weird way it reminds me of the book Catcher in Rye when Holden talks about his thoughts of the children playing in a field and jumping off a cliff—and how he yearns to catch them all. The children in this video are forced to leap into adulthood too—with interesting results.

Saeglopur (2005)

If you haven’t figured out the trend, all the band has to do to any footage is slow it down and it somehow fits perfectly with their music. In this video, they actually speed up the footage, and it works to perfect effect. The kid can really hold his breath underwater for a long time…

Hoppipolla (2006)

This one will surely put a smile on your face. I wish all old people could enjoy their lives this much. If all of Iceland’s senior citizens acted like these fine folks, my ambition to visit would rise even more.

Gobbledigook (2008)

Who DOESN’T want to run around, make out, and dance naked in the woods when they hear this song? I know I do! (NSFW)

Inní Mér Syngur Vitleysingur (2008)

I absolutely adore the song, but strongly dislike the video. Other than showing off the band’s unique fashion, the live footage really offers nothing as unique as their other videos. I wasn’t even going to post it, but for continuity sake:

Heima (2007)

Not necessarily a music video, but a trailer for the film Heima, which not only documents a number of the band’s performances, but also beautifully represents the country of Iceland. One can’t imagine the band’s music based in any area other than this gorgeous country.

Black (sooo politically incorrect) Friday

UPDATE (to my last entry):

The overweight/sweat-pants-and-Disney-shirt-wearing women (Wal-Mart shoppers) weren't the only ones killing each other Friday morning. Apparently two gentlemen shot each other in a Toys 'R Us on Black Friday thereby rising the shopping extravaganza's death toll. Two quick thoughts:

1) Who brings guns into a Toys 'R Us? Isn't that the last place in the world anybody would need a gun.?

2) Maybe I should have gone out shopping...those deals must have been insane. My loss.

Another Reason to Hate Wal-Mart (and people)

The New York Times reported today that a Wal-Mart in a New York City suburb was the scene of an unfortunate death. A 4:55 AM crowd of crazy Black Friday shoppers (nearly 2,000 people) broke the front doors' hinges s and charged into the storet, knocking down many employees, including a 34-year old temporary worker. Picture the scene from The Lion King where Simba’s trapped in the wildebeest stampede that later causes Mufasa’s death—except at least the wildebeest ran for fear of their lives. But hey, I'm sure these consumers had perfectly great reasons to disregard other humans as they raced toward the smiley face sale signs. 

The Wal-Mart crowd apparently ignored the helpless male body lying on the floor, and even as other employees and police officers tried to administer CPR on the powerless man, the entering mob continued to push the rescuers out of the way. Police and paramedics rushed the seriously injured man to the nearest hospital where he was pronounced dead shortly after 6:00. Meanwhile, back at the Wal-Mart, those same stampede-people were no doubt bitching about the long lines they had to endure in order to leave with all of their stuff.

This should be an embarrassment to all Americans. Not only are we ludicrously sacrificing employees’ Thanksgiving in order to shop at 5 in the morning, but we’re now sacrificing their lives in order to save a couple bucks on a television or DVD player. I think a security tape should be released of the incident so that those involved can view it and explain to their kids that those few cheap toys sitting under the tree are valued higher than some temp worker’s life. Christians already believe that Christmas is important because Jesus sacrificed his life for the world—let’s not allow anyone else to sacrifice a life so that we may continue our bleak consumerism.

P.S.- This just in. A security tape WAS released detailing the ridiculous Thanksgiving incident. Watch with caution (it's pretty graphic): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMwO9PX4_7c

Smells Like a Job Interview

The alluring yet implacable nature of job interviews quickly becomes blasé if one endures too many. Let’s face it—jobs interviews are difficult! Some are nerve-racking while others prove downright terrifying. In all honesty though, I do quite well under pressure (assuming I thoroughly prepare for each interview), and I truly do love the challenge.

A one-hour interview where an interviewee must prove him/herself to be versatile, confident, skillful, yet not too cocky can drive one bonkers. This is why a two-hour nap must strictly follow any interview (assuming one makes it out alive), because that nap’s well deserved! I recently took a four-hour nap after an audacious interview where I was questioned in a roundtable discussion by five, yes, FIVE ladies all at once. It was quite the interview orgy. Like any good orgy though, when this cornucopia of bodies huddles into one small space, problems arise at unexpected times…problems completely out of my control.

Everything was going charmingly well in this roundtable interview determining my fate with the company. We were discussing—as opposed to me answering monotonous questions. My questioners were five middle-aged women, which was great, because somehow I’m quite the Casanova with older women. Things did get briefly awkward when one woman critically commented that I “like to talk using my hands a lot,” which slightly perturbed the interview’s pacing and instantly heightened my self-consciousness. Other than that, laughs were had and I was proving to be quite the factotum in their eyes. We were conversing as best friends who’ve known each other for years—and I was the leader of this cool middle-aged female posse. I was about to suggest we relocate to an elegant restaurant to continue our conversation, but something horrible happened: someone farted.

This was the worst possible turn the events. Someone parped, and the only one I knew free of any guilt was me—trust me, I didn’t fart in the middle of a job interview! Not only did the horrid smell indicate a definite splurge of flatulent gas in the air, but the crime was also committed silently. Now let’s be honest: all farts should utilize at least two out of the five senses, preferably sound and smell (I do not advocate tasting, seeing, or touching anything that perturbs from one’s nether regions), and I know for a fact that in that tiny, poorly-ventilated conference room, that unpleasantly muted smell did not verbalize while entering our once-sterile air. Remember that I was the only male in the room, so if gender roles proved any genuineness, the four innocent non-farting women no doubt thought I was the one shooting air biscuits during my own interview. It gets worse! The horrid smell wouldn’t leave the room!

The invisible gas caused one woman's eyes to start watering. This wasn't going to end well. I continued answering questions as I stared at their I-know-someone-just-farted-but-I’m-a-professional-and-must-keep-a-straight-face faces, and all of their glaring signaled to me that I was the culprit. Should I say something to defend my innocence or would any comment heighten the awkwardness? No respectable manager would hire someone who causes this kind of mischief in the office, and I wasn’t willing to take the heat for this troubling endeavor while some guilty old woman in the room continued to rip herself a new asshole.

I wanted a woman to excuse herself from the room—that would give us a culprit, but that didn’t happen. I was beginning to feel dirty--every time my mouth opened the invisible gas hit my tongue and my throat tingled. Maybe none of these women possessed the guilty butt cheeks--maybe it was a ghost! Maybe it was like one of those scenes in A Christmas Carol when Scrooge revisits important moments of his life, but in my life, this interview was an important moment. My old cranky self and a ghost were invisibly watching the interview in the corner of the room, but unfortunately the ghost possessed a nasty/silent habit that disrupted our once-wonderful conversation.

Perhaps it wasn't a ghost, and one of the women embarrassingly just let one go. Maybe she has a problem; if so, the other women in the office are no doubt used to it by now, and I probably shouldn't be so inconsiderate. Maybe that day was Nachos and Cheese Party Day in the office, and my poorly timed after-lunch interview aligned with her ass's Nacho Cheese Redux Party. In the end, I left the interview hoping that the women would reflect on the interview experience with their minds and not their noses. I left blissful that I survived the nerve-racking situation. On the other hand, another mystery woman left the interview simply happy that her undergarments survived (or DID they?).

I'm a Mac, and I'll Soon Take Over the World

Another sure-tell sign pointing towards the end of the world: The “I’m a Mac,” “I’m a PC” ads.

These commercials and advertisements are grounded in a slogan that personifies our modern technology, and I think it’s safe to say that this is the first step to our eventual war with the machines—James Cameron couldn’t have written it any better.

I’m personally not a “MAC” or a “PC.” I’m ME. Though I somewhat prefer one over the other, I refuse to identify myself as any multi-billion dollar company's product. Both are corporations solely after my money (and soon—my soul). Soon we won’t identify ourselves as computer brands—the computers will identify themselves as us. Shit, they’re already smarter than us! For example

- A GPS knows its way around my neighborhood better than I do.
- Microsoft Word can spell better than I can.
- Facebook has millions more friends than I have.
- Medical computer technology can save more lives than doctors can.
- Computerized security systems can protect more people than the police can.
- E-mails deliver messages faster than any postal worker.

As one can see, technology is far superior to any human being. Technology will surely rule the world in a few hundred years, and who is to blame? Let’s start with Mr. Steve Paul Jobs.

Steve Jobs has a lot of nerve actually. I’ll be the first to say that Wall-E was probably the best cinematic experience 2009 had to offer, but the fact that Pixar, a company so closely aligned with both Disney and Apple, had the nerve to portray our future as a world where technological breakthroughs allow us to sit on our fat asses and do nothing, while the major company’s products do the work for us, and…wait…hey that sounds like us now! Disney, Apple, IBM, GM, and a plentiful of other major corporations provide the means to shield ourselves from the outside world while the gadgets and gizmos hypnotize us. I walk onto the public bus and see businessmen diligently working via their Blackberries (thanks to John McCain!). College students toddle around campuses ignoring their surroundings thanks to the newly over hyped iPhones. iPods grace the ears of high schoolers, thereby shielding them from participating in the outside world.

The humans in the Wall-E movie are hyperbolic manifestations of us. We allow technology to do everything for us. Soon we’ll all be stupid idiots who sit around, smoke weed (or have the machines smoke it for us), and watch television all day. The only ones profiting will be those programmers at the top of the work chain. Depressing, I know. We must begin to take the first steps to prevent these unfortunate circumstances. Step #1: Recognizing that Wall-E is a propaganda film in every way that Triumph of the Will was. Just don't say I didn't warn you.

Just look at her design. She looks like Steve Jobs' wet dream.

Scary Election Coverage

Election night coverage was insane. First of all, Fox News was uncomfortably the most entertaining cable station on television (Brit Hume’s sarcastic deadpan humor is amazing).* ABC News, CNN, and even Comedy Central’s Indecision 2008 special sucked. They were simply boring: the anchors spent a lifetime analyzing meaningless exit polls, only to reassure us that the polls mean nothing until they receive more results; they interviewed randomly unknown people with no credentials; and they treated viewers like kindergartners. (“Hey kids, look at this big, big television we got! Let’s draw pictures on the map!”)

Easily the most uncomforting moment of last night’s election coverage occurred on CNN, as Wolf Blitzer and Anderson Cooper interviewed two individuals via a hologram image—yes, just like in Star Wars. I caught the middle of an interview between Cooper (who I used to regard as a classy journalist) and an Obama supporter, and it initially looked as if he was talking to the Emperor. It creeped me out—we’re now living in a Sci-Fi movie!

According to David Bohrman, CNN Senior Vice President, “Virtual elements in a real set look so much better than a real person in a virtual set.” Why must everything be ‘virtual?’ What’s wrong with reality? Too good for you? ''It's so complicated,” he says. “The crew is basically shooting someone who isn’t there.” So CGI ruins movies—it’s now ruining cable news channels.

The Salt Lake Tribune described the technology as “very complicated.” “CNN will have 44 cameras and 20 computers in each remote location to capture 360-degree imaging data of the person being interviewed. Images are processed and projected by computers and cameras in New York. There will also be plasma TVs in Chicago and Phoenix that will let the people being interviewed see Blitzer and other CNN correspondents. Bohrman says the network can project two different views from each city so Blitzer can appear to be in the studio with two holograms.”

This setup is preposterously more complex than setting up a camera on a tripod and mic’ing the on-air talent, and it didn’t even look good! Blitzer approved this new technology, for he thought it brought a more intimate studio setting to the interview. I’ve always thought that “on-the-scene” interviews/reporting purposefully don't bring a more intimate setting, because they DON’T TAKE PLACE in the studio. As a viewer I want to know what’s happening in those locations—on the scene--with the crowd. Don’t block out the ambient sound or the interviewer’s surroundings! That's the whole point!

There is no need for this kind of technology. It scares me. Next election we’ll no doubt have Terminators as news anchors; in 2016 we’ll have Tom Cruise’s character from Minority Report reveal the results before they actually happen; and in 2020, Election Night will be delivered to your home via HAL (it’ll only be 19 years too late).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deoOTqT-SMI


* They were entertaining until 11 PM anyways--their lack of enthusiasm was soon tragic. At 11 PM, the magic hour, MSNBC rightfully stuck to shots of the passionate crowd at Grant Park—I watched wishing I could’ve made a one-day trip to the windy city.

The night ended well!

I Went to Bed with a Friend and All I Got was This Lousy E-mail

According to Fox News and the Washington Post, admitting to that special person (or former special person) that you inadvertently gave him/her a sexually transmitted disease has never been easier! You don't have to talk to them! You can even do so anonymously. inSPOT, an internet service already used by over 30,000 cowards, allows individuals to alert sexual partners of recent roadblocks in their relationship...roadblocks including (but not limited to) syphilis, gonorrhea, HIV, and other diseases so dirty that Fox News won't report them.

In some ways this is a resounding resource. Many rightfully embarrassed folks whimper and shy away from disclosing that their partner's little genital herpes outbreak didn't just mysteriously appear; but perhaps if admitted anonymously to belittle any awkwardness, people can actually be informed and treated before symptoms get worse.

On the other hand, this disclosure method plays out like a grandiose trick. I forgot to mention that these "oh, by the way" notices are sent via e-mail...specifically, via e-cards. Imagine arriving home and plopping onto the couch with your trusty laptop to check e-mails. Oh look, an E-greeting! Nice! Somebody cares about me. A birthday greeting? Maybe an "I love you?" You then open the card to discover a cute teddy bear (perhaps wearing a bow tie for good measure) dancing to an obnoxious Teletubbies-like theme song as bubbly text spins onto the screen revealing your new case of chlamydia. The bear is now the least of your worries. Oh. Chlamydia. Just what I always wanted. You'll surely be paranoid when opening e-mails for the rest of your life.

Unfortunately the private information disclosed through this service is confidential, so doctors can't state whether it's actually lowering STD rates. Common sense tells me that this e-mail option can certainly help though--especially with younger people who may be too embarrassed to bring up the subject, for it's better to be a pussy than be an asshole and a pussy. I just hope that I don't receive an e-mail with the subject line, "E-card from a concerned friend re: your health via inSPOT" anytime soon. If I do, let's just hope it's April 1st.

My Day at Work...in Haikus

Morning sleepy droll
No-coffee fever hits me.
Tepid tea will do.

Blank screen is the best
Monitor reflection…oooo
Staring at my face

Log into Outlook.
Inbox e-mail—delete all
The SPAM blocker sucks

Breakfast bagels yea!
Then they crumble in my hands.
Piece of shit bagels.

Sitting at my desk
Engrossed in horrid boredom
Need a bathroom break

I hate work bathrooms.
Refuse to piss near my boss.
Uh oh, bladder-shy.

Another project!
Oracle, Radix, Access
All of my favorites :-(

Three projects finished.
And it’s still early. Woohoo!
Now I have nothing.

Three projects assigned.
But I accept the challenge.
Give me three hours.

My boss summons me.
I’m offered a promotion.
But it’s out-of-town.

Should I relocate?
It’s not the job that I want.
So I should just pass.

The room fills with jokes.
Dirty jokes. Mine went too far.
This always happens.

I’m ready to leave.
But I still have two hours.
Clocks can’t tick faster.

Yum! Another snack.
Rotten apple in my bag.
Acerbity blues

At last, time speeds up!
The day ends. Others rejoice.
Tomorrow creeps up.

My Asian Problem

It's recently come to my attention that I've never met an Asian lesbian. Okay, granted, yes, I've probably met tons of Asian lesbians through the years, but perhaps they could have introduced themselves better...better in that they divulge their private life to me in a matter of minutes, of course.
I contemplate the demographic--how many are there? I'm confident that a simple google search for "Asian lesbian" would result in a ton of porn sites, so obviously there's a large number of them out there, AND a huge demographic of fans, but I'm not going to search because I'm not interested in Asian lesbian porn in the slightest. I simply desire to befriend at least one Asian lesbian.
I have met Japanese and Chinese gay guys, so it's obviously not an Asian thing. Perhaps I'm looking in all the wrong places?
Granted it's not a big deal, though it ranks up with my abject lack of close black friends. My desired multi-cultural friendship base is dwindling.

Miss Meggy likes My Favorite Band. Yeah!

Ohh Pitchfork Media! You’re such an indie-darling that I trouble myself to instigate negative commentary on such a site that provides such great music to others! What indie-related news will you not report on? Granted, concert announcements and album release dates pose important information to us music lovers, other “indie” news doesn’t resonate so well with me personally. Does it matter how Morrissey hates his new live DVD? Does anyone care what the guys in Radiohead ate for breakfast this morning? The latest rare 1960s cover song Yo La Tengo tackles in concert really isn’t news, is it?

On the other hand, last night, my love for you rendered these minor complaints pointless, for you published an article that impacted me in a somewhat unexpectedly-hilarious fashion. Apparently John McCain’s daughter, Meghan McCain, has her own blog. So what’s a good Republican girl talk about these days? Well apparently she has a somewhat decent taste in music…not only a decent taste (she loves the Klaxons, Le Tigre, Cibo Matto, among others), but a love for none other than my most favorite, favorite band: Stereolab (see picture).

While commenting on her father’s debate with that other guy, what’s-his-name, she tastefully noted that her “Song of the Day” at debate time was “Ping Pong” by Stereolab. It gets better! Pitchfork, quite intelligently noted the first thought that popped into my head: has this girl ever listened to their lyrics?? Sterolab’s lyrics (the ones I can understand that aren’t in French) not only stray from John McCain’s personality, John McCain’s values, and John McCain in general, but out of all songs she chose to jam while watching her father’s debate, she chose “Ping Pong,” a song that woefully regards dire economies, unjust wars, job loss, and Capitalist mess-ups. Maybe she should have chosen one of their many French songs.

Here are the lyrics to “Ping Pong”:

it's alright right 'cos the historical pattern has shown

how the economical cycle tends to revolve

in a round of decades three stages stand out in a loop

a slump and war then peel back to square one and back for more

bigger slump and bigger wars and a smaller recovery

huger slump and greater wars and a shallower recovery

you see the recovery always comes 'round again

there's nothing to worry for things will look after themselves

it's alright recovery always comes 'round again

there's nothing to worry if things can only get better

there's only millions that lose their jobs and homes and sometimes accents

there's only millions that die in their bloody wars, it's alright

it's only their lives and the lives of their next of kin that they are losing

it's only their lives and the lives of their next of kin that they are losing

it's alright 'cos the historical pattern has shown

how the economical cycle tends to revolve

in a round of decades three stages stand out in a loop

a slump and war then peel back to square one and back for more

bigger slump and bigger wars and a smaller recovery

huger slump and greater wars and a shallower recovery

don't worry be happy things will get better naturally

don't worry shut up sit down go with it and be happy

dum, dum, dum, de dum dum, de duh de duh de dum dum dum... ah ah

dum, dum, dum, de dum dum, de duh de duh de dum dum dum... ah ah

This is actually hilarious. Pitchfork notes that her "Song of the Day" tends to reflect her actual posts, so seriously, what is this girl trying to say? Is John McCain’s family speaking their true Marxist agenda through innocent Meghan's Stereolab songs, or is this girl just intellectually over-sarcastic?

This gal knows what she's doing

Here’s a link to her post: http://mccainblogette.com/postings/092908_0845.shtml.
Her site’s actually quite interesting, though not as interesting as Cindy McCain’s wardrobe choices lately (see pictures).

The Magical World of Democracy

Countless United States citizens identify themselves as “Independent voters.” This label signifies the voters’ lack of one-sided Partisan views. Every election, independent voters are forced to make imperative decisions: side with one party over another OR do not vote at all OR waste a vote on the “Independent” on the ballot. The Independents’ vote will surely matter this November, so for anyone with “Independent” friends, let me offer a suggestion.

If your friend cannot decide on the better man in this election, ask him/her this one simple question; allow time to ponder; and if your friend possesses sound judgment, he/she will choose wisely. Ask, “Which one of the candidates would make a better president in the Disney attraction, The Hall of Presidents?"

For almost forty years, parents, children, grandparents, and young-adults-who-want-to-be-children-again take a break from the creative insanity of Disney World and spend thirty or so minutes in reality by sitting through the Hall of Presidents attraction. Now think about it: after watching the always-too-long US History 101 film and being introduced to the creepy 43 animatronic-presidents, would you rather see a dire bald guy completely indistinguishable from the other old white-haired guys, or someone different? I don’t know about you, but I want change (and no, I’m not just saying that because Obama’s black—I think he would genuinely be more interesting than a fake John McCain—shit, the real John McCain isn’t even interesting).

I must confess that the attraction itself is quite delightful. I remember my last Disney World outing when a small group of us decided to all take in the Hall of Presidents presentation. I sat in the theater, pissed, waiting for the lame history lesson to start—I didn’t crave a lecture during my vacation. Little did I know, I was about to take a journey just as wild as any Disney attraction. I not only learned a bit about our history, but I actually met the presidents! Watching Abe Lincoln talk to us, the audience, at this Disney attraction is as close to magic one will ever get while sober—and it was incredible.

The Hall of Presidents helped launch Disney World’s opening day in 1971, so it’s officially the park’s oldest attraction. It was taken from an idea originally stemmed from the mind of Walt Disney himself. After changes through the years, the attraction is better than ever. It’s even now a tradition for the current president to record his fake robot’s speech. How great is that? I can picture Disney’s Imagineers trying to make George Bush’s fucked-up speech sound intelligible for the millions of visitors.

If Johnny McCain’s elected, then 50 years from now, he’ll certainly become one of those presidents whose name’s announced and everyone in the audience thinks, “I’ve never heard of him before.”
“Oh, he was that old guy who died, right after a week or two, right?” (John McCain, the 21st Century’s Zachary Taylor.)

Sad News

On September 1, 2008, PBS permanently stopped airing episodes of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. Granted the shows have probably become somewhat-outdated, the lessons taught were and will always be universal. Rogers stopped making episodes in 2001 after 998 episodes (why wouldn’t he just go for the full 1000?), but re-runs have regularly aired since. I’m sure I learned to tie my shoes by watching the show, as have many people born the past 40 years. It’s a shame that little kids growing up today are clueless at to what they’re missing.

Not only is it a shame for little kids, but it’s a shame for Pittsburgh. The television show represented our little city at such a high degree. WQED, the station based in Oakland and the country’s first community-sponsored television station, was the original broadcaster of the show shortly before it moved to PBS. The show filmed in Pittsburgh throughout its television run. Most (if not all) of the cast was made up of prominent Pittsburgh figures. Rogers himself even taught at local universities and churches, and he took part in various local charities.

Read a little bit of biographical information and you’ll surely be impressed. He was one hell of a guy. He did no commercial endorsements of any kind and only supported non-profit organizations. In 1979 he spoke openly about his support of the VCR, for the product was then a controversial issue due to copyright infringement laws (much like MP3s are today). Rogers even spoke at the trial, Sony Corp. of America v. Universal City Studios, where it was found legal for consumers to record television shows/movies onto a VHS tape, mainly because of his testimony. He also helped raise federal funding for public television by making a speech to the high courts. He helped children deal with loss after the 9/11 attacks. More than 40 honorary degrees and countless lifetime achievement awards were given to him for his work. He was even presented the Presidential Medal of Freedom a year before his death, and a red sweater is on display in the Smithsonian.

What I like most about the guy is that he totally practiced what he preached. He addressed complex issues on his show like war, death, anger, and poverty, and would use the same dialogue in real-life. He never talked down on anyone. The whole reason he entered the television business wasn’t for fame or popularity reasons: "I got into television because I hated it so," he said. "And I thought there was some way of using this fabulous instrument to be of nurture to those who would watch and listen."

If he ever ran for any public office, I would hate to be the person running against him, for no dirt could be found on Fred Rogers. No one could say anything negative about this guy! He was a friend to everybody, and everyone knew this. For example, on an outing with a grandkid in 1990, Rogers’ car was stolen from its parking spot in Oakland. After the local news reported the incident and the thief realized whose car he stole, the car was returned to Roger’s home unharmed with an apology note.

Mr. Rogers was born in Pittsburgh and completed much of his legendary work in Pittsburgh. He died in Pittsburgh five years ago, so this city certainly holds the dear responsibility of keeping his name alive so that twenty years from now, kids don’t think of him as a geezer in a sweater but as a guy who practiced what he preached more so than probably any public figure the past 30 years. I place him alongside Walt Disney and Jim Henson as guys who accomplished a lot for our country by proving that entertainment can really make a difference in young people’s lives.

The Mister Rogers Dinosaur in front of WQED Studios in Pittsburgh.

P.S.....Sarah P, John M's VP, spoke at the RNC

I decided to watch the much-hyped acceptance speech of Sarah Palin last night because, hey, The Dark Knight lived up to its hype, so why wouldn’t she? Needless to say I had a great time watching her bash Senator Obama, praise “hockey moms,” and kiss every single Republican’s ass for 40 minutes.

Unfortunately the Republicans are creating an atmosphere where no one can critique them. If someone criticizes John McCain, the Senator instantly cues up his tragic POW story to make the debater feel like shit for questioning his “maverick” qualities. I have news for John McCain fans: He’s not a maverick.

Tom Cruise was Maverick!

The 1972 Ford Maverick Grabber was a Maverick.

The awesome Cedar Point roller coaster, The Maverick, is a Maverick.

He's an old man who should remain a senator at least until he finds a new rich wife to marry (I admit, he’s not a bad senator). I don’t care what one did over 30 years ago, especially when it wasn’t his choice. Bragging about POW camp suffering (as horrible as it is) is equivalent to one bragging about serving in war after being drafted—it isn’t your choice!

“Mr. McCain, your economics plan makes no sense!”
“Back in Hanoi at my camp, we didn’t have tables, chairs, or economics.”
“Mr. McCain, didn’t you lie to the American people by insisting that you wouldn’t run negative ads?”
“As I laid in my empty room, the blood oozing from my head, my captures called me a liar too. They were horrible people. They were Communists. Are you Communist?”

Be nice to people with special needs.

On the other hand, anyone who berates Sarah Palin is obviously sexist.
Here’s my opinion of Sarah Palin: I don’t like her. It has nothing to do with her “lack of experience." As a new college graduate, I’ve come to realize that little to no experience doesn’t and shouldn’t amount to your job qualifications. She’s qualified. Much of the media insist that she can’t run a country AND take care of a large family at the same time, but I disagree. Men and women do it everyday, plus she’ll have others working for her, so again, that’s a harsh critique. My opinion doesn’t surround the fact that she’s already distastefully used her youngest son for special-needs sympathy votes (seriously, during/after her speech they were passing that kid around like a football). It has nothing to do with the fact that she admitted to smoking pot. If anything I think it’s awesome and classy that she admitted that—even though it’s painfully obvious (judging by her kids’ names). She DOES have a biting sense of humor, The pitbull joke? Cclassic Sarah Palin humor that keeps you coming back for more! The fact that she’s “popular” doesn’t bother me either, even though the Republicans pride themselves on her popularity, while other popular candidates are merely “celebrities.”

Governor Palin seems like she could have been a great person—if only she didn’t hang out with the playground bullies. Remember the kids who talked shit on your mom, gave you a wedgie, and bragged about their Nissan-steel lead-safe lunch carrying cases while you were stuck with an plastic GI Joe lunch box with matching thermos? Those were Republicans.

What will the wild-tottin’ governor do about gun control? What will this woman do about equal rights? Gay rights? Didn't think so. She wants to remove sex-educated school programs in public schools…unless they only promote abstinence, because obviously, abstinence-only sex education works, right Sarah?
What will she do with our energy concerns? Ms. Palin claims that she’ll stand up to the oil companies, but McCain’s only oil-based policy gives tax breaks to the major companies. She doesn’t believe in human-caused global warming (poor polar bears)—therefore she doesn’t believe in facts. She believes in lies, for her acceptance speech was filled with them. Not only was her speech filled with inaccurate propaganda, but it contained no substance. There I said it. Call me a sexist. Check out her in-depth description of her 12-year job as mayor:

“Before I became governor of the great state of Alaska I was mayor of my hometown. And since our opponents in this presidential election seem to look down on that experience, let me explain to them what the job involved.
“I guess -- I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a community organizer, except that you have actual responsibilities.
“I might add that, in small towns, we don't quite know what to make of a candidate who lavishes praise on working people when they're listening and then talks about how bitterly they cling to their religion and guns when those people aren't listening.”
Rather than providing us with information, she resorts to attack politics AND berates community organizers. Real classy, eh? Community organizers possess great responsibilities, especially when they’re based in dangerous cities. Now as far as her mayoring skills, if she was the mayor of New York, or Chicago, or LA, then I’d have more faith in her, but there are more hairs on John McCain’s head than people in her hometown.

She ended her speech with this line:

“If character is the measure in this election, and hope the theme, and change the goal we share, then I ask you to join our cause. Join our cause and help America elect a great man as the next president of the United States.”

I agree with the Obama camp. The Republicans label the campaign as a “measure of character” because they have no policies to run on. There won’t BE any change. All of these Republicans who walk on stage and endorse the “change” John McCain will surely emit from his old scraggy ass are full of crap. THEY are the reason we need change! They bitch about the current state of Washington politics, but THEY’RE the ones not doing a good job. They’re the reason Washington needs “shaken up.” If they like John McCain so much, why don’t they spend the same amount of energy to fix things on their own? I think the same thing about the Democrats too---they’re not any better.

I don’t understand why I’ve cared about this election so much, but I do, and unfortunately I’m having a problematic time seeing both sides of the picture. I’m usually very bi-partisan and can see both sides of issues, but I’m having a difficult time seeing how John McCain, the man who’s been in the system for 27 years but has nothing to speak of except his Vietnam days, should run the country.
Sarah Palin is like an attractive date—you’re initially taken by her/him, but once you get to know the person, you find that she/he is the same as everyone else…though she does get points for marrying a man with Eskimo heritage. Seriously…we need an Eskimo in the White House. I’m not kidding.

They're gonna be taking over the White House soon.

Hey Kids, Don't Steal Crappy Music!

Prisons are congested with utterly horrible people: rapists, murderers, and now, apparently, bloggers.

Los Angeles resident and active blogger Kevin Cogill was awakened Wednesday, August 28 at gunpoint by five FBI agents. After trashing his house (I presume) and beating him to a pulp (again, just a guess), they took him “downtown.” He now faces three years of prison and a possible civil suit for allegedly posting songs from the new Guns ‘n Roses album, Chinese Democracy (the band deserves prison time for a stupid title like that), on his blog (http://www.antiquiet.com/) last June.

According to the Family Entertainment and Copyright Act of 2005, sharing any copyrighted material before its release date warrants three years in prison and the possibility of a $25,000 fine (duh!). You know those “Terms of Agreement” electronic contracts you never read and simply press “Agree,” well I’m sure this law is in there somewhere. I'm sure it also states, "Don't f*ck with Guns n Roses," so he's probably in double trouble. Somehow he obtained these currently illegal songs and assumed it be a grand idea to post them for all to hear. Epic Fail!

During his hearing, the prosecutors originally demanded an outrageous $50,000 bail, which means the prosecutors either take their jobs ultra-seriously or simply love defending the rights of shitty music. The judge luckily put a stop to that. Cogill is currently out on a $10,000 bond and awaits a preliminary hearing in late September.

So what should happen to him? Should his ass be thrown in prison where our tax dollars will pay for this “menace of society” to be confined where he belongs: alongside the rapists, terrorists, murderers, maniacs, and nutcases that shouldn’t be roaming streets? My answer: yes.

He publicly shared a Guns n Roses album! Doesn’t that fall under obstructing the peace? If you’re going to break the law and risk three years of prison time, at least share some decent music. An upcoming Radiohead album maybe? Even an upcoming Kayne release or something by Hanna Montana (at least the kids would appreciate it) would do…not Guns n' Roses. Most of this band’s audience probably doesn’t even own an internet connection.

The album should arrive in stores at the end of November (rain), which is a real shame. Come November (rain), Kevin will face his (rightful) prison sentence while the rest of us face new shitty music on the already dire radio. Axel Rose wins--everyone else loses, and that’s a sad day in world—whether Chinese Democracy really exists of not.

This is their new album cover. I feel utterly embarrassed to post this on my site.

Democratic Poo Humor

This is an article taken from The Hotline: National Journal's Daily Briefing on Politics. It's concerning Senator Joe Biden and his vice presidential shortlist considerations leading up to the Democratic National Convention.



August 20, 2008
It Takes A Bulldog

WILMINGTON, DE - With a growing horde of reporters crowding his driveway, Sen. Joe Biden is doing his best to hold his tongue.

Under constant surveillance the could-be-VP is deflecting questions about his status, one day after he raised eyebrows after professing not to be "the guy" (then later claimed to know nothing more than we did). Instead, he is presenting himself as an everyday Joe Sixpack, heading out in his pickup truck and offering reporters some of the casual conversation for which the the loquacious senator is known.

"A successful dump," he shouted from his car window when asked if he had anything to report. Earlier, he left with a pile of logs in the back of his truck.

"I got a second load, guys, anybody wants to help me, let me know," he said.

Asked if he had any reaction to the announcement that his caucus-mate Joe Lieberman would speak at the Republican National Convention, Biden said, "I have not had another single thing I can tell you."

Even when tossed a softball and asked about his trip to Georgia this weekend, Biden held back.

"I'll do that after this is all over," he said.

Biden presented the stakeout press with bagels and coffee this morning, saying it was good to talk to us again.

Some in the quiet neighborhood have complained about the distruption caused by cars and satellite trucks parked along the tree-lined street. Other locals have taken to slowing down as they pass by his house, some stopping to ask if there was any news, others offering encouragement. One passer-by pointed to his pooch in the backseat, and asked if Biden needed a mascot.

"Gotta be a bulldog to deal with you-know-what," the man said.

Convention Sex......ewwwwww

I found this to be the most interesting article concerning the upcoming Democrat/Republican conventions:

http://www.abcnews.go.com/Blotter/Story?id=5629167&page=1

An undercover reporter has to make some quick friends and get the inside scoop of what these dirty old men are doing behind closed doors. Remember the crazy sex scene near the end of Requiem for a Dream with the girls? That's what I'm thinking.

Too bad Eliot Spitzer still isn't around; these girls would make some good money.

King of Kings

I wanted to eat lunch by myself for once, so for my midday break I drove to the closest food establishment in the area: Burger King. I try my best to avoid fast food these days, for it’s utterly disgusting and severely unhealthy, but my car was on ‘E’ and wasting precious drops of fuel is not an option.

The line inside wrapped around the line-separators in front of the register, so I waited for 10 ridiculous minutes. As I waited, I casually glanced around the room and developed an insensitive realization: every person in this restaurant was overweight—very overweight, and remember, this is lunch time, so the joint was pretty full. I only say this because I care dammit!. Being very overweight risks severe health problems--it's a big problem (no pun intended). Because I had the time, I counted the number of overweight people in the restaurant dining area (31 people) and the number of skinny people (only 2); concerning the skinnies, one was an 80-something grandma out with her pudgy grandchildren, and the other was an older man in a military uniform. Everyone else fit into the sweat pants-wearing overweight class.

I blame the food. This food is like poison! I can’t eat this. I was beginning to feel sick. I’ll nibble on a french fry (freedom fry?) and turn into some unhealthy slob! It’s not these people’s fault that they aren’t healthy: blame the food! This stuff will kill me—I have to leave. NOW!

“Can I help the next person in line?” Shit. The lady behind the register was referring to me. I was trapped. I had to order.
I cautiously settled for a simple cheeseburger, a small order of fries, and a vanilla milkshake. Safe enough…right?

A dirty, salt-covered table in the corner seemed appropriate for dining, for I could easily hide myself. I sat, watched the others, and noticed that nobody was really happy eating this food. They ate because they had to. They settled with this place because it was cheap and it wasn't their own kitchen. They ate because even though it didn’t taste great, it gave their taste buds enough of grace and nourishment to last them throughout the day.

As I sat, this younger overweight woman wearing flood pants, a faded pink shirt, and a small backpack that read “I HEART Pandas” rose from her seat with her empty cup in hopes of a safe trip to the refill station. Her walking space must have been limited in the aisles, for she tripped over a chair. Unfortunately for her, it was one of those chairs that are cemented to the floor, so she ended up going down instead of the innocent inanimate object. She hit the floor, but no worries—her mustached boyfriend (or brother) and her mother who wore a dirty off-white shirt with bunnies playing on the front stood up and almost helped her. They didn’t move too far from their table though. The fallen woman stood up by herself, wiped off the floor crumbs, and continued on her journey for a refill. Nobody in the dining area seemed to care about the woman’s well being after she fell. Most didn’t even glance over when they heard her head bounce off the floor—Burger King made everyone zombies.

We all fall. Sometimes we get back up, realize what we’re doing is stupid, and make a change. Sometimes we fall and don’t learn a lesson: we continue our journey to the refill machine. Every person in that restaurant and almost every person in our country will eventually have to make a choice concerning what they eat, but what are they going to do? Will they change their ways or continue their journey to the refill station.

I think I’ll be somewhere in between. Maybe I'll get a refill, but if I do, I'll take my time and try not to trip over any furniture.

Convention Fever!

Watch the commercials advertising the Democratic and National conventions on CNN and Fox News. They’re incredible! I never knew the said conventions had the excitement of a Hollywood blockbuster. The makers of action movie trailers designed these commercials, because all of the elements are there: overly-dramatic music, quick shots, tons of graphics, extreme narration, and just oodles and oodles of anticipation.

What will happen??? Will Dick Cheney leap from the rafters and shoot-to-kill the Iraqi war protestors innocently huddled outside the entrance? Will a Democratic secret agent attack Mrs. McCain with her one apparent weakness: a killer handshake? The Michael Bay-coordinated cage match with Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama will totally blow China’s Olympic Opening Ceremonies out of the waters.

Our 24 hour news channels promise us some fireworks. We’ll see if they can deliver.

Trash!!!!

How does one rid of his/her outside garbage cans? Let’s say you don’t want them anymore—you purchased a few new heavy duty ones on sale at Home Depot, and you want to get rid of the old ones, but how does one throw garbage cans in the garbage?

Placing a note on them for the garbage men is pointless—you’re assuming that people actually read the sides of garbage cans. Placing your old cans inside the brand new cans is more redundant than anything. Maybe just leaving the old empty container out for them will convey the message, but still, how can one expect the garbage men to throw away the one thing that they’re not supposed to throw away?

Therefore, garbage cans are one of the most sacred objects in our world.

If you placed a bag filled with thousands of dollars in a trash can, it would get tossed in the truck come pickup day. If the Mona Lisa was trashed in a dumpster behind the Louvre, it would surely end up at the garbage dump. If a person filled his waste cans with authentic American flags, though the garbage men would probably assume the said person has problems, they would still do what they’re supposed to do: trash the “trash.” On the other hand, if an old garbage can sit, waiting to be thrown away, they’d assume its owner made a mistake, and they’d keep it in its respected spot—for why would one throw away a garbage can?

Ssssssshhh!!!

I work in an office 40 hours a week. There are, of course, perks and drawbacks—ok, more drawbacks than perks. It’s certainly enjoyable to spend the day in an office where the others are fun and possess common sense (a rarity these days it seems). Still, some things I simply detest.

Now I’m not being cynical or negative—no matter who you are, you’re always going to experience things you just can’t stand, whether it be at home or at work or with friends or even with a boyfriend/girlfriend. You bitch about it or you can suck it up. Because I’m bored and I feel like writing, I’ll bitch.

The thing that I absolutely hate more than anything while working in the office is when people whisper. There it is. I said it. Whispering.

The cause of this disposition is due to my paranoia: I always sense that they’re talking about me. This causes me to also listen in to the conversation. Though I only recognize key words here and there, I always discover that though they’re never talking about me, they’ve now made me a pest for listening in to their conversations…and I hate that. They’re almost always talking about people from other branches or venting about my boss—never about me. I’ve been told that everyone in the office simply “loves Rick” (or “Ricky,” like many of them call me), but I still can’t shake off the fact that their whispering may one day be about me (assuming it already hasn’t).

Batman Movies

If you know me, you know that I love Batman--I have since I was a young kid. The various filmic interpretations of Batman through the years are vast. Looking back, many of them deem unnecessary, for they’re simply not good. Some of them, are excellent. Here’s my review of Batman’s feature film past.

Batman: The Movie (1966)
3/10

This film (along with the earlier television show) was one of many adaptations that completely ruined the Batman legacy. Trust me, the older comics in the 1940s were nothing like this. One can appreciate the cheesy yet interesting villains at times (for what they were), but both Batman and Robin are too unbearable. Did anyone at the time find Robin’s dialogue clever and/or entertaining?
The scene where they’re climbing up a ladder over the water and a shark jumps up is classic though.


Interesting Tidbit: There’s a photo somewhere of me in the original Batmobile taken at a mall when I was probably around 8 years old. Even though this movie sucked, I still felt like I was sitting in a king’s thrown.

BatQuiz:
What is the best line of dialogue from this film?

A) The Penguin: Careful! Every one of them's got a mother.
B) Batman: Bon Voyage, Pussy.
C) Batman: What has yellow skin and writes?
Robin: A ball-point banana!
Batman: What people are always in a hurry?
Robin: Rushing people... Russians!
Batman: So this means...
Robin: Someone Russian is going to slip on a banana and break their neck!
Batman: Precisely, Robin!
D) Batman: Pretty *fishy* what happened to me on that ladder...
Commissioner Gordon: You mean where there's a fish there could be a penguin?
Robin: But wait! It happened at sea... Sea. C for Catwoman!
Batman: Yet, an exploding shark *was* pulling my leg...
Commissioner Gordon: The Joker!
Chief O'Hara: All adds up to a sinister riddle... Riddle-R. Riddler!

Batman (1989)
7/10
It’s my firm belief that one is a true Batman fan if he/she reads the comics/graphic novels. You can easily tell if one has ever read them by their opinion of Tim Burton’s film. Most hardcore fans hate it.

I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt though for nostalgic purposes: I grew up watching this film; therefore it’s still special to me. The film’s art direction and costumes are exceptional and Danny Elfman’s score is the greatest musical accompaniment to any superhero film ever. Michael Keaton is a great Bruce Wayne, though only a decent Batman.
On the other hand, Jack Nicholson is way too old to play the Joker. He does well with the material, but doesn’t fit the part. The story is weak, and like most Batman fans, I can’t stand the fact that the Joker killed Batman’s parents.
Prince is incredible. He can play 109223 instruments, and I’ve heard he puts on the best live show ever. Does this mean that his songwriting contributions are good or appropriate for this film? Not in the least--releasing a song called ‘Batdance’ is borderline insanity.
The movie gets nostalgic and originality points, but as a Batman film, doesn’t treat the source material with respect. It just looks cool.

Interesting Tidbit: I also sat in the Batmobile from this film, which is arguably the best Batmobile. They wouldn’t let me snap a picture without paying a fee though. Blah.

Batman Returns (1992)
8/10

It follows the same path as its predecessor, but adds more style, charm, and a slightly better story. The problem is that the villains are more interesting than the protagonist! Batman’s incredibly flat, while Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman is probably the best live-action Batman villain (pre-Batman Begins). Christopher Walken's pretty creepy in it too.

Interesting Tidbit: I met Danny Devito the year this movie was released. As a kid, I was honored to have met The Penguin!! I almost met Jack Nicholson, but the man wouldn’t leave his heated trailer. Asshole. In the long run, it was good for me, for I would have likely pissed my pants with excitement to have met the Joker. Michael Keaton’s from Pittsburgh, but I’ve never met him.

BatQuiz:
Due to Michelle Pfieffer’s costume, what should Batman Returns' rating be?
a) R
b) NC-17
c) Unrated
d) a newly developed rating warning teenage boys of “possible boners”

Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (1993)
9/10
If you hate Mask of the Phantasm, there's something wrong. How can one hate this cartooned-Batman that was surprisingly on par with the Animated Series, AND better than any of the 1990s live action films?
Even as a kid, I figured out the weak plot twist, but that still didn’t take away from the excellent story (what? An actual story you say?) and exciting new characters.
I also could never figure out why everyone praised Nicholson’s Joker, but never commented on Mark Hamill’s fantastically demented vocal acting. I see Mark Hamill as the perfect Joker way before seeing him as the perfect Skywalker.

Batman Forever (1995)
3/10
As a kid, I felt so cool jamming the soundtrack on my stereo with everyone from R. Kelly to U2 to the Flaming Lips making an appearance. Unfortunately, looking back, this movie should have never been made. Joel Shumacher can direct films, but he shouldn’t be allowed to utter the word “Batman,” let alone direct two films.

It was wise to try something different: Tim Burton’s darkness replaced by hundreds of thousands of elaborate colors resembles a comic book. So what doesn’t work? Everything else.
Horrible script; terrible action sequences; embarrassing dialogue; and most of all, embarrassing acting.

BatQuiz:
Where is the only acceptable place to listen to R. Kelly’s “Kiss By a Rose” song?
a) a middle school dance
b) on the radio
c) trapped in a closet
d) anywhere but in this movie

Batman and Robin (1997)
0/10

This is my all-time least favorite movie. Not solely “Batman movie” mind you. Movie. Ever. I don’t even want to write about it. They could have filmed a dog defacating into a jar and called it a Batman movie and that still would have been better than this.
I DID watch special features on the DVD, only to hear with my own ears Joel Schumacher apologizing to Batman fans for making this atrocity. At least he’s honest about his mistakes. Horrible, horrible film.

BatQuiz:
What would you rather do on a Saturday Night?
a) watch ‘Batman and Robin’ with some friends
b) gouge your eyes out
c) taser your new pet puppy
d) blow up your own house

Batman Beyond: The Return of the Joker (2000)
8/10

If only this one got more attention. It’s just so good. It’s the futuristic version of the Batman story which takes place long after Bruce Wayne has retired. The Batman Beyond series could have been a disaster, but the animation, stories, and original villains sold me. At times I enjoy Terry McGinnis even more so than Bruce Wayne. I would not mind at all if writers, artists and/or filmmakers chose to concentrate on this character more in the future.

Batman Quiz:
Who is one of the all-time hottest/coolest cartoon characters?
a) Terry McGinnis
b) Terry McGinnis
c) Terry McGinnis
d) Both a, b, and c

Batman Begins (2005)
9/10

Finally, a filmmaker understands Batman! I trust Christopher Nolan with whatever filmmaking decision he makes in the future.
Bruce Wayne’s back-story, the cinematography, the villains, and the whole tone are incredible. Even though partway through the film I thought, “Liam Neeson would probably make a better Ra’s Al Ghoul,” I still didn’t foresee the plot twist!
The film is perfectly casted (with the lone exception of Katie Holmes) and has the perfect tone for a Batman film.
My only minor, minor complaints are the following:
1. The Scarecrow needed slightly more screen time.
2. The villain’s name is actually pronounced “Raish,” and not “Ras” like it’s spelled (Ra’s). Pointing this out makes me feel like a loser AND a dork.
3. Bruce Wayne shouldn’t have a love interest. Actually, with the exception of a few villains, there really shouldn’t be any female characters in Batman films. The Batman legacy is a sausagefest. Bruce Wayne can’t have a girlfriend, because he’s no longer “Bruce Wayne!” He’s Batman. As soon as he makes this decision, the mask he wears is the lone, woman-loving millionaire, and his true self appears when he puts on the suit.

BatQuiz:
FILL IN THE BLANK:

The main characteristic that separates Morgan Freeman from every other lead actor in this movie is that he’s also highly accomplished N_ _ _ _ _ _ R.





ANSWER: Narrator (see “Shawshank Redemption,” “Million Dollar Baby,” “War of the Worlds,” “March of the Penguins”), besides being a damn awesome actor.

Batman vs. Dracula: The Animated Movie (2005)
4/10

I caught this one right before I left my job at a video store years ago. Why they thought this concept was a good idea, I have no clue.
The animation is based on “The Batman” animated series. It’s by no means equivalent to Batman Beyond or The Animated Series, for as a 20-something, I can’t get into it. It’ll only appeal to young kids and ridiculously committed fans.
In this movie, Dracula wrecks havoc on Gotham City. Why’d they pick Dracula? Granted, yes, he’s an intelligent, high-class villain in general, but there’s a plethora of DC villains to choose from.
Some of the animation IS fun to watch though, and given its story, this one could have been a lot worse.

BatQuiz:
Besides Dracula and the Mad Hatter, what other literary villains should Batman be pitted against?
a) Frankenstein
b) Moby Dick
c) A Random slave owner from A Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass
d) The Mechanical Hound from Fahrenheit 451

Gotham Knight (2008)
7/10

Similar to the AniMatrix, this consists of six original stories all written and animated by separate collaborators. The end result is a unique mashup of Japanese-styled animation and clever stories. For a similar literary experience, I’d recommend Batman: Black and White.
This feature is stylish, though I wish they could have done more with the actual stories. Perhaps if each segment was a bit longer, I would have enjoyed it more. Still, I definitely liked it, and would’t complain if they released a “Gotham Knight II” sometime in the future.

The Dark Knight (2008)
10/10


So perfect, I had to go back and adjust Batman Begins' score, for if that movie's a 10/10, this is a 12/10. Perfect. Everything. They don't have to make another Batman movie...though I'm sure they will.

Haircut History

I left my office at five and drove to the mall: I needed a haircut. I treat my hair to a shortening once every two months, and I prefer someplace that isn't too expensive but maintains a respectable reputation filled with dignity and “pizzazz.” After giving the woman in front my name, I had to wait. I love waiting for a haircut, because while seated in the designated area, I silently scope the scene and mentally choose who I hope will cut my hair. That one woman looks like she has style; I'd place her in charge of my hair follicles. It looks like I could be friends with that other woman; I hope SHE cuts my hair. The woman I got stuck with this time was my very last choice in the room. She must have sensed this, because she gave me a humiliating haircut.

I grew up going to a barber. He was a neighbor of mine and a really nice older man. Unlike most older people, he didn't mind noise…in fact, he was elated to work on his garden or cut his grass while listening to my (often) feeble attempts at playing the loud drum set in my room. His noise acceptance earned himself a loyal customer--until I became a teenager. The problem with barbers is that instructions are pointless, for they give you the exact same haircut every time. Before the cut: “Can I have it spiked on the top, and slightly shorter on the sides?” After the cut: “Ohh…you gave me a regular men's haircut.--just what I wanted.”
During my teenage years, I cosmetologically experimented a bit. I was literally the first boy in my school to dye his hair blonde. Now I was a somewhat shy kid, but I enjoyed the attention. What eventually pissed me off was not the random older kids who taunted me by uttering “fag” in the hall as I passed (because streaked blonde hair and an earring automatically equals “fag” to redneck high schoolers). If anything, I appreciated their honesty, but three months later, those same kids streaked their hair too! This was unacceptable.
I abandoned blonde and tried orange, but it just wasn't 'controversial' enough for my tastes, so I sadly tried polluting my hair with non-permanent blue dye. The problem with non-permanent hair coloring is you shampoo it once and the hair transforms from a solid tone to a vomity-looking tint. I wasn't trying to be “punk” or even “cool”--that didn't interest me at the time. I simply possessed the whole “trying to be an individual” personality; except unlike punks or goths or any other sub-culture group who ironically fulfill their “individuality” by dressing like everyone else in their sub-cultured group, I decided to try and find my own thing.
I settled on short black-colored hair. It was a great move, and it suited me for years, but by the end of my freshmen year of college, the emo craze ruined yet another well-suited hair color. I tried a subtle red, but quickly decided that my hair coloring days were over.
There was also one very short time where I tried growing facial hair. I detested it. It was completely unstable and looked like tiny scattered brown pubic hairs barely growing across my face. I don't trust people with facial hair anyways (people who intentionally grow facial hair…not lazy folks who don't shave for a few days), so I decided early on that it's something I'll never pursue again.
Instead of coloring, I grew my hair out and settled for a semi-annual haircut. This shaggy look lasted two years until my thyroid disease began causing my hair to thin, so by the time my study abroad trip began, my haircut was depressingly semi-normal.

My thyroid disease is to blame for this horrible haircut I received at the mall, because the woman cutting my hair (she looked young, but admitted that she's almost forty) thought it would be a grand idea to talk about her thyroid problems while cutting. Bad call--for I think she concentrated more on coaxing medically-related information from me than she did on my haircut. I'm personally not a fan of conversing with hair stylists while they cut my hair. Though it makes the day go faster for them I'm sure, I'd rather they leave me alone. Don't get me wrong, talking to people, especially strangers, is really cool, but not when they have a job to do.
My sideburns weren't matching in length; the hair on the sides of my head was too short and didn't match the hair on the top. She didn't even ask me if I approved of the cut--she simply continued talking about her hypothyroid problems, even as we walked to the register. I tried many times to end the conversation, but she answered my attempts with more questions. If anything, she should have paid me, for she surely left the session with more insight and information than I did.
Of course I could have told her that I wasn't satisfied with the haircut, but then she would have cut even more off and make it worse--and it would have been shorter, which takes longer to grow back. As soon as I arrived home I grabbed a pair of scissors and a hair trimmer, locked myself in the bathroom, and finished the job.
I was fairly surprised with the job I did---it looks great! I even got positive comments on my new haircut. “It looks awesome! Who cut your hair?”